Press Release

They`re ou'! Division breakdowns ben released by All American Sports!

Weekday Dirty Pirate Hookers:

Coed "C" National
Polar Beverages / Team Softballs
JLA
Paychex #1
Glenmont Beverage
Team Fred
Wildwood
Bush League
The Valentine's
Albany Med
Dirty Pirate Hookers
Poppy's Place
Shamrocks Roofing & Siding
Xerox
Infoed Swat
Accent Furniture
The Dynasty

Coed "C" American
Bazooko Circus
Paychex #2
AFLAC New York
Cool Runnings
Stantec
Natural Disaster
Stone Crow
Bayside Tigers
Blitkrieg
Bad News Beers
WB Mason
Courtney's Restaurant
EYP
Hostrocket
Skyway
First Cardinal

The weekday hookers be facin' some familiar foes includin' Softballs, Bush League, an' Albany Med. Some will also recall Team Fred, JLA, Paychex, an' Xerox. Conspicuously absent from th' National division be our good shipmates th' Underdogs--now known as Bazooko Circus. So much fer that rivalry?

Sunday Dirty Pirate Hookers (Blackbeard's Blasters for now):

VLY Creek Realty
BST
The Red Team
RWO
The Cream Ales
Marvin & Co.
Near Perfects
Cider Town
Recovery Room
Time Warner Warriors
Sandell
Midnight Cowboys
Blackbeards Blasters
ARC Barsinasters
Blitzkrieg
SEFCU

There be plenty o' new Sundee teams, but SEFCU an' Blitzkrieg be repeats from last voyage. Blitzkrieg, o' course, be th' only team t' scrape ou' a victory against th' Dirty Pirate Hookers.

I will email schedules as soon as they be released by th' league.

Cap'n Bernard Mauvebeard

NCAA Brackets Contest Winner

Congratulations to Bush Leaguer, the winner of the inaugural Toyota/DPH Brackets Contest!

Bush Leaguer won a $25 gift certificate to Dick's courtesy of Toyota Men's Softball and Dirty Pirate Hookers Softball.

Thanks to all for participating!

March 25 - DPH/Toyota Joint Practice Summary

Despite the cold weather and late notice, we had an impressive showing. Thanks to everybody for attending!

Don't forget about DPH night at the cages this Friday!

Important Update to Bracket Competition!!!

Toyota Men's Softball GM Ben Ho and DPH GM John C cracked open the vaults (barely) of their respective franchises and are now offering a prize for the winner of the Brackets Competition!

The winner will receive either a $25 gift certificate to Dick"s Sporting Goods or a $25 discount from their Toyota Men's or DPH Coed team fees.

Join now because time is rapidly running out!

With a prize on the line...do you still think you got game?

Please see the post below for more details.

FPN: A prize is now awarded. No substitutions will be allowed. Blah Blah Blah. Standard terms and conditions probably apply. For complete rules click on this link

Toyota Men's Softball Team announces NCAA Bracket Competition

Join the Toyota Men’s Softball NCAA March Madness Bracket Competition!!! Can you out-prognosticate the prognosticators? Can you beat TOYOTA GM Ben Ho? Can you not beat DPH GM John C? If you think you know NCAA hoops or have a way with guessing, now is your chance to earn top bragging rights!

To join, follow this link: Toyota Softball NCAA Tournament

You'll also need the following:

Group ID#: 53329
Password: toyota

You think you got game?

FPN: A prize is now awarded. No substitutions will be allowed. Blah Blah Blah. Standard terms and conditions probably apply. For complete rules click on this link
fancygens.com

Team News

Congratulations to DPH bomber Brett B for leading his team to victory in Andy's All-Star Basketball game!

• Brett earned Co-MVP honors by dominating the field as he dropped 36 points on his unsuspecting opponents.

Way to go, Brett!

Team News

After a productive scouting assignment in Florida, it's time to take care of some team business.

There is a Pre-Season tournament-April 26-27-that follows slow pitch, co-ed "C" rules. All games are at Field of Dreams and this is a double elimination tourney; so we're guaranteed two games...although I'm planning on playing more than that-arrrrrrrr!

I sent everybody an email, please respond whether or not you are interested by Wednesday, 3/19.

I hope we can field a crew, this tourney be a fun way t' gear up fer th' season!

Information regarding regular season team fees will be sent out this Sunday.

Breaking News

John C was tracked down in St. Petersburg, Florida where, officially, he is scouting talent. Team insiders suggested that John C went to Florida to escape flak from the "name-gate" debacle. Surprisingly, he answered some questions before forcing his way past reporters and and disappearing into an exclusive athletic club.

JS from SPTimes: Has your scouting assignment been successful?

JC: I would say so...yes.

JS: Would you care to elaborate?

JC: No..not really.

JS: Reports indicate you are trying to entice Jeremy B back up north...is that true?

JC: He and I have a long history regarding the game...

JS: Isn't he a prima donna...a clubhouse cancer? It's been suggested he was a major problem on his previous teams...EYP and YMCA...why would you want him?

JC: There's no truth to that...he's...uhhhhhhh...intense, but a good player...good OF range...good arm--strong LH hitter...he may be too expensive for the DPH...

JS: There have been reports that low level employees were fired over what has been termed "name-gate"...is there any truth to that?

JC: Jeff, I don't know anything about that...I'm done with that...

JS: It was also leaked that you demanded accountability...

JC: I accepted complete responsibility.

JS: Were low level employees fired?

JC: This whole situation is completely embarrassing...the DPH is supposed to be above this.

JS: You stated that previously...weren't you in charge of negotiations? Shouldn't you have noticed the mistake before releasing the roster?

JC: Nobody humiliates me! Heads rolled!

JS: You didn't know the name of a free agent you were pursuing? Some have said this was merely a covert attempt to delay the release of her signing bonus?! Is the DPH in financial trouble?!!!

JC: The team issued an apology...I'm finished here!!! I'm done!!!

JS: Why did you lie about the firings?

JC: Mountains out of mole hills! Out of my way!!!

JS: Why did it take so long to issue an official apology?!! John C! Have you heard former DPH players may go to your competition?!!! John C!!! Please comment!!!

Press Release

DPH GM John C issued the following apology earlier today:

"An embarrassing and regrettable situation has come to my attention regarding an important new member of the DPH. Due to a clerical error, we erroneously posted Lisawitz's name as Lisa W. I apologize to Lisawitz for the mistake and any embarrassment this may have caused her. I accept complete responsibility for the oversight. By this time corrections will have been posted."

John C refused questions but added "...godd*** embarrassing. this organization is supposed to be above this kind of thing. We need to start the season and put this behind us..."

Later attempts to contact John C failed; we were informed he is preparing for a business related trip. The source indicated that John C is on a "scouting assignment..."

The last "scouting assignment" for John C was after the DPH suffered the franchise's only loss in a bitter championship defeat to hated rival Blitzkrieg. Many blamed suspect decision making on the part of John C for the loss--charges John C has vehemently denied.

Attempts to contact Lisawitz or her agent for comment have failed.

Correct Roster

Women
Lisawitz
Kari R
Tracy Z*
Christina C*
Jo Ho!*
Erika S

Men
Tony D
Joey F
Pat S
Deryl B*
Ben Ho*
Steve F**
Mikey F*
Matt T
John C*

*Charter Member
**Charter Member returning after brief sojourn