...Live from Angelo's 677 Prime located in the heart of Albany's theatre district at 677 Broadway in downtown Albany...
Although the exact nature of this press conference remains nebulous, we are reasonably certain the DPH is finally releasing its long awaited 2008 roster. One thing is certain; the DPH spares no expense when hosting these events as evidenced by the menu which suggests nothing but class: Oysters Rockefeller followed by Caesar Salad. The main course is fit for a king Chateaubriand succeeded by the elegant decadence of Citrus infused Crème Brulee. Complimenting this gastronomic delight is bottomless Tête de Cuvée--how did they know it's my favorite?
Wait a second...it looks like the DPH spokesman...yes it is...let's listen in:
"Ladies and gentlemen...thank you for attending the event. I hope you find your meals satisfactory. As you know, releasing the latest DPH roster is always a special time for the team. It signifies the end of a long winter and the imminent return of softball. John C will present the roster and afterward will hold a brief question and answer period. Anyway, without further respite, please let me introduce GM John C!
...John C is walking to the podium...he appears fit and dapper in his black and grey suit while standing in front of the Jolly Rogers...it looks like he's ready to speak...
"Thank you...thank you for the warm greeting. It's good to see everybody once again. I'm happy none of you are chasing me to my car! I am privileged today to finally present the '08 roster. First, though, I want to congratulate the '07 fall squad on their perfect season. You deserved nothing less than perfection and you earned it every step of the way--battling through the toughest schedule with multiple games against the best teams; I stand in awe and have immense pride in your accomplishment.
"With every new season, however, comes change and nobody cares about last season; it's all about now. We're all 0-0 and everybody has improved--Blitzkrieg, Softballs, Underdogs, Team Fred, Bushleague, Vollmer's, Kekamba's, Ralph's Tavern--they don't care what we did last season. The DPH will not get lost in perfection and our goals remain the same: having fun with friends while offering high level competition to our rivals. To that end, I am pleased to announce the '08 Summer Roster!
"The DPH, unfortunately, lost several key players from the fall team. We view this not as a negative, but instead as a positive. This allows us to welcome new faces...friends to the DPH family. I believe preventing status quo is important.
"Let's welcome the new Hookers and friends: Lisa W from Palais, Kari R, Tony D from the Underdogs, Pat S from AF, and Joey F from Toyota of CP/sOs--it's an honor to have you on the team. I look forward to playing with you and continuing DPH tradition!
"Now I'd like to introduce returning members of the DPH...the players largely responsible for helping define DPH tradition: Christina C, Tracy Z, Jo Ho!, Erika S, Deryl B, Ben Ho, Mikey F, Steve F, Matt 'the rookie' T, and John C. Welcome back! As always it will be a pleasure playing with you! I realize some of you had lucrative offers from other teams...thank you for remaining Hookers!"
...Preparations are being made for the promised Q and A...this is a bit of surprise given John C's contentious relationship with the media...this is usually good for something memorable...Ok, everything is set....
GK from NYP: "It's been reported that many of the DPH left due to personal conflicts with you and frustration regarding your management style. Is that true and are you going to change?"
John C: "Hello George...nice warm up question. There is no truth to any of that and I desperately wanted everybody to remain Hookers. Sometimes, however, people have other commitments. You're undoubtedly referring to Mark E, Mark M, Brett B, Todd S, Jess G--they were an important part of the DPH and I remain friends with all. Mark E, Mark M, Brett B returned to Bushleague; all this was upfront. That's a great core and undoubtedly Bushleague will remain a premiere team. Todd's a great player...any team will be lucky to get him. I'd love to have him but there's no room--it's a timing issue. Same thing for Jess: excellent player, flexible. There's no doubt they'll both find a team."
GK: "What about your management style? Your sabermetric approach is known to rub many the wrong way..."
JC: "I think, George, that it's you who has a problem with my management style. It sounds like you bought into lies spread by impossible to please former players...:
GK: "Who are they?"
JC: "Next question...somebody different...we have to move on..."
RW from TU: "A persistent rumor is that you try to stack your team and that you accumulate talent only to keep other teams from benefitting. Is that true?"
JC: "Roger, what the hell is the local media doing here? Unintelligent questions like that are why you're stuck in Albany. Now here's what I want you to print: complete bull----. It’s not like we dominated the fall league. Four other teams scored more runs than us…Blitzkrieg, Underdogs, Team Fred, Cool Runnings…heck, Blitzkrieg averaged more than 5 runs per game than us…and the Underdogs better than 1 run per game—and we only beat them by 1 run during the regular season. Now I'll connect the dots for you. If what you're saying is true, I'd grab Todd S and Jess G, right? Next!"
BM from NYDN: "There were persistent rumors regarding the demise of DPH...why was that? Was the DPH close to dissolution?"
JC: "Hello, Bill...nice to see you again. I heard those rumors and no, the DPH was not going to fold. It's a long story but I'm in the mood to quash rumors spread by an ignorant media...some of this I just stated. The demise rumor started before DPH lost many important players at the conclusion of our perfect fall season--this was ultimately the result of how the team was constructed. The fall team was an evolution of the summer Sunday team and the team carried over fairly intact with a couple disappointing exclusions, but we added other good people. Players were drawn from Albany Funding, Bushleague, Underdogs, and Toyota/sOs with an understanding that a couple of the teams could reunite for summer '08.
"I wish the fall DPH would’ve stayed together…we got along great. They’re good people…friends…no animosity. Everything was upfront. But a decision was made to not actively promote DPH as the fall season was concluding; I didn’t want to steal players from the other teams…for the most part. It wouldn’t be fair to steal their players, but I did let some know they had another option.
"At the conclusion of the season Ben Ho and Mark M, respectively, informed me that Albany Funding and Bushleague were rejoining for the summer. DPH took a big hit there…we lost really good players and good people…that hurt. I think this is when people really bought into the ‘demise’ rumor… We retained our nucleus, though—steadfast stalwarts Tracy Z, Deryl B, and Mike F kick started the summer team. We had our core…and picked it up from there...Christina, Matt T, Jo Ho for example.
"Deryl was huge for us…brought new players…other contacts worked out…this was important and it meant a great deal to DPH and to me."
BM: "What about last night? Was that about raiding the AF roster?"
JC: "I object to that terminology, Bill. I was a benificiary of convenient timimg. Ben Ho informed me that for the right price he and others were available. We needed depth in some areas...he sensed that and pretty much held me hostage...negotiated many non-performance related guarantees that I hate to give out."
BM: "Is Ben Ho worth it?"
JC: "He damned well better be...He cost me enough...the pressure's on him now..."
JC: "OK, thank you everybody! I hope you enjoyed your lunch...what's that? One more question? Alright...go ahead..."
TK from NYT: "Will the team have a theme song for the summer?"
JC: "Good thing people buy lots of puppies, Tyler. I'm sure your paper provides the proper training regimen...I don't have time for such trivial bull..."
TK: "Come on...people want to know..."
JC: "OK...'Hurt', by NIN...how's that? Now goodbye..."
TK: "Why 'Hurt'...what does it mean...is this a message?"
JC: "Figure it out for yourself..."
...That didn't go too badly. John C provided much information about this offseason. Before leaving we'll present the roster one more time:
Women
Lisa W
Kari R
Tracy Z*
Christina C*
Jo Ho!*
Erika S
Men
Tony D
Joey F
Pat S
Deryl B*
Ben Ho*
Steve F**
Mikey F*
Matt T
John C*
*Charter Member
**Charter Member returning after brief sojourn
